You know your relationship has been taken to the next level once you have your first real argument. Your first real argument marks a moment in your relationship when things actually become real. Those fleeting thoughts of never being able to get angry with each other or over and your feelings can be put to the test as they are hurt for the first time. The person who so far been so nice and understanding will turn into somebody you haven’t met yet and sometimes the whole process can be quite scary but that doesn’t mean that it has to be a bad thing. Relationships have fights, that is just a given so it’s actually what you do after them that matters the most.
- Put Yourself into Their Shoes : It’s really easy to brush off negative things that people might say about you, especially in an argument. Nearly everybody who has been in an argument is convinced that they are in the right and some of those times they are, but there are other times when this just simply isn’t the case. When it comes to making up, sometimes you have to admit that you were in the wrong and you need to do it in honesty too. This means you need to really think about the things that your partner has said and put yourself into their shoes. Can you see where they were coming from? Did what they said hold any truth to it? Is there anything you can do about what they said?
- Take Some Time to Yourself : After an argument you will no doubt still be hurting and angry over what has just happened. There may be things that you want to say in anger or hurt but you should remember that being angry does not give anyone the right to be cruel and once words are said, they can only be forgiven but not forgotten, so think twice before you say something in anger that you might regret. The best thing you can do after a big argument is actually take some time away from your partner to cool down. The time away can help you gain clarity over the situation without your partner being there breathing down your neck. You should be able to take all the time you need to calm down and you should only think about getting back in touch when you feel as though you can discuss the issue without anger or resentment.
- Talk About Things : The only way to properly move on from an argument is to talk calmly about the things that have upset you both. If you both ignore the problems that have come up, then nothing is really being resolved and they will come up again in another argument at some point. So whilst it might be tempting to just kiss and make up, it isn’t really the healthiest thing you can do for you or your relationship. When it comes to discussing the argument it is important to remember that you need to keep your feelings in check. What your partner has to say might be hurtful, it might make you angry but you need to respect your partner enough to allow them to say it and you must respect your relationship enough to take it on board. You should of course expect the same courtesy back. If neither of you can talk about it without getting angry then you might need to spend some more time a part.
- Forgive : Sometimes things are said in arguments that aren’t meant. They can be really hurtful, they can be spiteful and more importantly they can be impossible to forget. That doesn’t mean however that once the argument has been put to rest that you can continue to bring them up. Instead you must agree to forgive the hurtful words and be willing to move on from them. If you hold onto them and bring them up all the time then you are just bringing past negativity into your relationship and that isn’t healthy in any respect. It also isn’t fair on your partner who has been willing to move passed what you said to them. When you make up after an argument you really need to put the whole argument behind you, if you are still feeling resentment towards your partner for it, then you really need to discuss it some more as you obviously haven’t got the resolve that you need to move on.
- Don’t Let it Ruin You : It can be easy in the heat of the moment to believe that everything is broken but that doesn’t mean it is. If you and your partner are good together and you rarely argue then you need to find a way to move on from it rather than letting it break you. Every relationship goes through times that are hard and every relationship is sometimes put under strain but that doesn’t mean that every relationship ends because of that. If you value your relationship more than your pride then you will find a way to move on from the argument no matter what. The fact is that every person you will meet will at some point do something to hurt you but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth the pain.
The first big argument of a relationship can really open your eyes to the person your partner is. It can sometimes shock you and even sometimes scare you but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t find a way to move passed the shock and upset. If you really value your relationship then you need to be able to put your pride to one side and look at things from your partner’s perspective. You might actually realize that they were justified in the things that they were saying. Just take some time to process what has just happened and then think about all the things that make you happy about your partner. Think of all the happy times and weigh up whether it is worth making it up.